i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
