Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
