Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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