margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
