it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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