I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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