I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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