im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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