He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
