So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
