SEEEEXXX PLEASE
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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