Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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