eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
