i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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