I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
