Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
