I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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