Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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