btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.