The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Someone shattered a urinal.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
