Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...