At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...