For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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