ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst