I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize