i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
