Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
