Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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