Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
