Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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