I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
