So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
