wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
