dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
