And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
