sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
