so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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