I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
