fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
