is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
