So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I puked a lego.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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