Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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