i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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