please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
