I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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