NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
