letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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