I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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