I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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