I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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