i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
