Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
