Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
