omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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