found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
