i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
