I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize