Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
