apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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