Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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