why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
