i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
