I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
