So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
