Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize