just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
