I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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