hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you win again, gameday.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
