lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
