youre lurking in front of me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
