dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize