i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
