Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
