Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
