Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
