I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
