Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
