ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
