It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize