hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
being pregnant is like rehab
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
