he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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