It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
