she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
