I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
